- “Are you always this [x] (talkative, chatty, cheery, moppy)?”
Due to the Coronavirus outbreak, I’m going to game at Metro Market a few blocks down my apartment. Since I’m new to the venue, I’m going to write down a few potential openers and follow-ups to spark a conversation.
- “Do you know where [insert item on the aisle I met her in] is?” – After this, thank her for her help then mention something about how Milwaukee is like a ghost town due to the Coronavirus outbreak. From there, I can do OPENC step-by-step.
- “That is the most adorable outfit I’ve seen all day.” – Use this when “in state” or the girl is wearing something particularly cute. Requirements: Good eye contact, good body language, etc.
- “Hey, this is a bit random. I’m trying to eat healthier, so I”m drinking fruit and vegetable smoothies every day. You seem like the fruit expert–got any tips?” – Use this on girls with lots of veggies/fruits in their basket or if they’re fit. After opening, try and steer the conversation toward a Man-to-Woman interaction.
For example, do the opener, then if she asks what I’m into, say something about just being healthy due to the whole Coronavirus scare. After her response, open again regarding her appearance or something with a push-pull premise to it.
- “You look like the most chill person here right now.” – Standard opener for me, could prove useful in Metro Mart
- “Excuse me, you have a cute minimal style, I just hope you’re not like every other girl in Milwaukee.”
It’s official. Nicole broke up with me.
The big question is: What did I do wrong? How could I improve on my next day game prospect?
For reference, I met Nicole early-mid February at Marquette University; before our relationship, I called her the “nerdy Belgian girl”. She wasn’t shy, but she had a cute geeky charm that I was into. I believe issues stemmed from our first date: I tried to rapidly escalate despite her inexperience with men.
I cared enough not to bang if she felt uncomfortable, but I tried to escalate my absolute damnedest.
What happened? Loss of comfort, loss of attraction due to my impatience, and overall tedious relationship since I was so focused on notching her up.
On Monday, 03/16/20, I ventured off to Marquette University on foot after neglecting for over a month. I didn’t want to risk having Nicole spot me there, hence why my initial hesitation on heading over and gaming in such a target rich environment.
Needless to say, my worries were in vain. Due to the Coronavirus Lockdown of 2020, the campus was dead. I walked around from building to building, met with only dead silence. It was nice to sit around and reminiscent about how this was the first campus I ever day gamed in, but I eventually left the scene.
Surprisingly enough, I was able to get three sets in, despite the city wide lockdown.
None were worth recording, unfortunately.
… But with the lockdown, how will I game? I need to get my sets in.
You know what they say: If you don’t use it – you lose it.
I can’t lose four months worth of pick-up progress all for some stupid virus.
But I must be careful at the same time.
On Saturday, 03/14/20, I ventured off to Mayfair Mall and did four approaches. All sets were exclusively moving, since I wanted to get the hang of stopping non-stationary sets. It was harder, but thank god, I managed to try and instadate my last set. I believe the number is going to be a flake, but at least I got the phone number of a moving set.
That’s a major fucking win to me.
Overall, as stated above, I did four sets – but only the last one was worth recording.
Approach #1: At the end of my approaches, I ran into a cute white girl. She was a soft HB 7, tall, and had a down-to-earth personality. I know I should have texted her five minutes after meeting her, but for some reason, I just didn’t feel like it.
Anyway, she was friendly enough. I’m positive she knew I was running game on her the second I opened her, but seemed to enjoy it. If you listen to the audio infield, you can actually hear when I spike her emotions.
Note: All written answers are paraphrased from Todd’s recording, while others contain exact wording.
- Question: Is international game – traveling from country to country to rack up “flags” or notches – good for beginner to intermediate PUAs? I got the idea from Roosh V and plan to do it in the near future.
Answer: Yes, it’s a good idea, you get to discover which game works in what country, what girls from various countries you like the best, etc. However, the bigger issue is thinking of women as notches. In Todd’s experience, the guys who have this mindset have trouble building connections, building comfort, forming relationships and hurts them in the long run. How does that help your relationships in the long-run? Overall, the men that I know that have this mindset are very unhappy. They also have very negative relationships with women – and life in general. No one becomes a better person in the relationship and will lead to a downward spiral of pain.
- Question: Why does my game regress back to beginner level when I approach moving sets (ie. I have mild AA, awkward, etc)? When I approach stationery sets I do just fine.
Answer: Here’s why: Moving sets are harder. They absolutely are. Every one than I do has what Todd calls an “inertia” or momentum of the set. There is a certain amount of energy I need to overcome to open the set. If they’re walking instead of stationery, higher the energy.
The only difference is that it’s just higher energy and the best result of a moving set is that it becomes stationary.
However, it’s weird that you feel nervous about them. It’s not weird that you would do worse in the case of moving sets. The thing here is that you’re clearly nervous about a bad result, about rejection, and nervous about the outcome. Which means that my focus, rather than being about learning, experimentation and having fun is rather on how the girl receives me.
So to that extent, I should get unnervous.
It really doesn’t matter and moving sets/stationary sets are exactly the same in the grand scheme of things in terms of what you’re trying to do: Which is putting your best foot and best game forward.
… But if I’m trying to get a result, then yeah, I’m going to be nervous; especially if I don’t know how to handle moving sets. For example, I haven’t practiced them, I haven’t worked on it, that lack of familiarity can also lead to nervousness.
So it’s not weird that I’m nervous about moving sets, however, it doesn’t make sense from a philosophical level because I shouldn’t be judging my outcomes that way (ie. fear of rejection, lack of familiarity, etc).
Don’t judge yourself by the outcome of a particular set. Judge yourself by the likely range of outcomes. For example, if I get a decent outcome in a really tough set, be proud of myself. But if I get a really good outcome in a really, really easy set be fine with that but it’s not that big of an accomplishment.
You shouldn’t be nervous about game in general, because it’s an endeavor with all upside and no downside. That’s the beauty of game. It’s like if someone gave you free lottery tickets. Each individual lottery ticket isn’t worth much, but if you’re getting it for free and there’s a chance of winning big of them – or even winning a little on them – then I’d be dumb not to take them, right? So it’s a no-brainer to take them. The same thing applies to game.
Every approach is like a free lottery ticket. All kinds of great things can happen and all kinds of sorta okay positive things can happen. Nothing really negative can happen.
- Question: With the Coronavirus Lockdown in full swing should I do either day or night game, I’m worried if I don’t go out my game will regress. You know the old expression, “If you don’t use it, you lose it”.
Answer: This isn’t a permanent thing. This may last a few weeks, a few months, or even a year. Even if it does last a year, it won’t last a year how it is now. There’s no way that the entire world is going to stay in their houses for a year. My guess is that a lot of game will be moving toward online game.
Other than that, missing a week or two of game isn’t going to kill it.
In the meantime, take this lockdown as an opportunity to review my (Todd) online material. Get up on your theory.
Addendum for myself: When Todd says to “review my theory”, I need to get cracking on “Evaluation” from the System in replacement for going out. Practice this every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
- Question: When I’m out infield, there are days where my sets go “so-so” or bad and I leave the venue for the rest of the day to recharge for going out tomorrow. Is there a way to “reset the day” so I feel like I’m approaching anew?
Answer: Yes, absolutely. I just have to decide. Just say I’m going to go for a quick hour session, then go have a bite to eat, then go back infield. Relax, refresh, maybe like revisit any notes I had. Watch a video, chill out. Then literally just start fresh again.
For example, in poker, you have your ups and your downs. You want to have an accurate idea if you’re winning money or not, cause if you’re globally losing money you want to stop playing poker. And if you’re globally winning money you want to play a lot more. So you want a good idea of your overall results.
However, in poker there’s this thing where if you are losing called tilt. Where you start playing worse because you’re frustrated from losing or you start “trying to get back to even” or whatever. So one thing I would do – and it’s sort of like cheating, but like “good cheating” in a way – is restart the day, as if it’s the first time you’re ever going out. And hopefully, I start off with a winning session and feel like I’m winning again.
I can choose whatever sample size I need: It could be one set, it could be three sets or even ten sets. Try and look at the sample size of what’s going to be useful to you.
So if I’m having a bad day game session, look at it like I’m having a decent week. If I have three good days and one bad one, cumulatively look at my results and determine how I’m doing overall.
Alternatively, I could reset like “Alright, I’ve had a bad day, we’re going to throw that away, we’re going to discount that session, that was me being off. I’m going to go back in and try to win this session.”
Another thing I could do when I’m restarting a session is just change my focus entirely. Instead of having my focus on trying to get a result, change my focus on trying to learn.
So what I (Todd) would do if I was having a bad night, I’d be like “Oh, I’m having a bad night I’m probably not going to pull tonight, but I can work on a skill. So let me work on my push-pulls, evaluation, etc”. And that way it’s more of an analysis and research and kind of fun and messing around night as opposed to an outcome dependent night.
So instead of even resetting the session, just reset my objectives for the session.
What I (Todd) actually prefer is changing the nature of your focus, because it’s something you can control and something that’s not outcome dependent, but process dependent.
- Question: During day game after getting half a dozen or so rejections, this “aggression” comes over me. I generally land the next set by running this semi-aggressive, so-called “alpha male game”. Why is that?
Answer: It’s because you’re bringing a lot of intensity. When you’re bringing intensity to the table, you demand a response. They may respond to it positively or negatively, but you’re going to get a response.
When you’re feeling aggressive, you’re probably not half-stepping. You’re probably playing to win, you’re not hesitating, etcetera.
Todd has the same thing: When he has that intensity or aggression, he brings his full attention to the set. He brings his full focus and emotional energy to that next approach.
It’s very powerful. However, it should also serve as a learning lesson.
It means I need to bring more to the table. Trying to bring more intensity, bring more a playing to win and “fuck it, I don’t care” vibe.
Todd has it, a lot of guys have it. But to reiterate, it should serve as a lesson because it’s telling me what’s missing in all those other approaches where it doesn’t go as well – which is, that intensity and desire.
If I have intensity and desire in my approaches, they are going to go much, much, much better than they would otherwise.
- Question: I get more nervous meeting girls from my social circle than cold approach. Consequently, girls think I’m strange or weird. Why is that?
Answer: It’s probably because you’re acting strange or weird. It’s probably because you’re being hesitant. What Todd suggests is treating girls like normal. Treating girls like how I treat everyone else is a good step, then I can start flirting from there. If I’m not nervous around girls who are cute vs girls who are hot, treat the hot girls like the ones who are cute. Adjust yourself. Overall, treating girls as normal is the right thing to do. It’s a good baseline for everything else.
If I find that I’m acting weird around girls that I like, try and treat them exactly the same as I treat everyone else as a starter. And only add game that I know works.
It’s like the Hippocratic Oath of do no harm.
Just be a cool, normal person in all my interactions – and especially with girls I like – and then add little bits of game that are good. But at least I won’t be doing alot of weird behavior or negative, low-value behavior.
That should be a pretty good start for me.
To reiterate all of Todd’s points. First act normal, treat them exactly like guys I’m friends with -> Add in the flirting as spice as opposed to starting with the flirting.
- Question: Have you ever considered making a “Before you go infield” YouTube video to encourage beginners and intermediates PUAs to do their best?
Answer: Todd made a couple videos close to that. The best being “The Night Game Plan: How I Win Every Night”; however, Todd hasn’t made a specific video before you go out.
The thing about that though, anything that has to do with a “getting in state” thing or mentality thing, is that everyone does it differently.
The major thing about every approach that I do, is that it’s going to have me focusing not on monitoring how I’m feeling and not on checking in on myself all the time. Rather, I’m focused on something external – whether on what I’m about to do, focused in the moment, focused on an attitude or a mood or some form of external aggression or action that I’m taking in the real world.
Whatever it is, it’s focused externally.
If I’m focused internally I’ll keep thinking, “Oh am I feeling well? Am I okay? Am I feeling nervous? Am I in state?”
If I’m asking myself those questions, that’s an inherently bad thought loop.
The major criteria of every approach I take is to get my focus proactively out into the world, rather than reactive and internal.
So whatever I do to get that shift in focus is going to work for you.
- Question: When the Coronavirus Lockdown ends, alot of us cold approachers will have lost some of our skill. What do you suggest to bring us back to tip-top shape quickly and efficiently?
Answer: Todd suggests doing approaches, obviously. However, there’s also doing things outside of game so I feel better about myself. That I’m a version 2.0 of myself as opposed to a run-down, depleted version of myself when this whole lockdown ends. Because our external actions reflect our internal feelings about ourselves.
But mainly, whatever I did the first time around, do it again. So if I feel approach anxiety again, do an approach anxiety challenge. But don’t be arrogant about it. Don’t be like “Aw I’ve been gaming for five years, why do I have to do an approach anxiety challenge?” If you’ve been out of game for a month or two, why not?
Just give yourself permission to go back to the basics. Give yourself permission to work through it. But whatever skill you had in the past, you will get it back alot quicker than if you never had it.
Yeah, I’ll be a little rusty, but you’re not going to be fundamentally bad and I’ll get things alot quicker than a complete newbie.
So don’t think it’s wasted or don’t think my prior game skill will not contribute toward my future abilities.
On Thursday, 03/12/20, I ventured off to Mayfair Mall once again and focused exclusively on sets who weren’t lounging around. Pretty much, girls on the move. I was motivated to head out after Todd V answered my question regarding walking sets. His response?
They’re harder than stationery sets. It’s a fact of life, but do you know why you’re failing at them? You’re mindset. You’re worried about what the girl thinks about you. That’s what’s killing your game.
I wholeheartedly agree.
Strangely enough, I had Yuma flashbacks when I gamed today. I decided to run alpha, red pill game. I should have gone full direct since I had the body language, verbiage, and overall vibe down, but I went friendly direct instead. It’s a good start.
Overall, I did five approaches, but only one was worth recording.
Approach #1: I ran into this adorably geeky cosplay girl outside of a Nordstrom store. She was busy loading stuff up into a bag. I did a direct friendly opener with great body language, but I faltered some time during the set. I’d have to consult JP regarding it.
On Monday, 03/09/20, I ventured off to Mayfair Mall yesterday and almost did exclusively moving sets. At the end, I did six approaches, but none were worth recording.
This is to further my goal of being able to stop, get the attention of, and eventually attract sets on the go. Most women are moving about, have schedules, or a need to go places. It’s imperative that I learn this skillset in order to broaden and increase my ratio of success.
I believe, out of the six approaches I did, four of them were moving sets.
After gaming at Concordia University, I realized a big sticking point I have in game is stopping and gaming moving sets. Consequently, I miss out on a plethora of opportunities that literally walk by me. Here are a list of openers that could potentially work given what the girl is doing:
- (Girl is on her phone) “Oh my God, don’t look, but you look like such a tourist right now.”
- (Standard, I-don’t-know-what-to-say opener) “Excuse me, that is the most adorable fucking look you got and I had to say hi.”
(Say this in a CONFIDENT TONE. Like I know what the fuck is up. If I don’t say it in a confident tone, then I fucked up big time. Source here: http://sett.com/toddvalentine/best-pickup-lines)
On 03/05/20, I ventured off to Concordia University and overall, did six approaches. My initial thoughts? It’s a great campus with lots of buildings and opportunities that I, unfortunately, missed out on. Sets are bountiful, but on the move constantly or in groups.
As stated above, I did six sets, but none were worth recording.
Why? Two reasons: A.) I wasn’t “in state” and consequently, spat out bad or meh game that didn’t make me compelling enough. B.) I missed out on plenty of opportunities with moving sets.
This reminds me: I need to learn how to stop, approach, and game moving sets. It’s an absolute must.
Therefore, I will make a list of openers to use on moving sets in another thread.