Note: All written answers are paraphrased from Todd’s recording, while others contain exact wording.
- Question: Is international game – traveling from country to country to rack up “flags” or notches – good for beginner to intermediate PUAs? I got the idea from Roosh V and plan to do it in the near future.
Answer: Yes, it’s a good idea, you get to discover which game works in what country, what girls from various countries you like the best, etc. However, the bigger issue is thinking of women as notches. In Todd’s experience, the guys who have this mindset have trouble building connections, building comfort, forming relationships and hurts them in the long run. How does that help your relationships in the long-run? Overall, the men that I know that have this mindset are very unhappy. They also have very negative relationships with women – and life in general. No one becomes a better person in the relationship and will lead to a downward spiral of pain.
- Question: Why does my game regress back to beginner level when I approach moving sets (ie. I have mild AA, awkward, etc)? When I approach stationery sets I do just fine.
Answer: Here’s why: Moving sets are harder. They absolutely are. Every one than I do has what Todd calls an “inertia” or momentum of the set. There is a certain amount of energy I need to overcome to open the set. If they’re walking instead of stationery, higher the energy.
The only difference is that it’s just higher energy and the best result of a moving set is that it becomes stationary.
However, it’s weird that you feel nervous about them. It’s not weird that you would do worse in the case of moving sets. The thing here is that you’re clearly nervous about a bad result, about rejection, and nervous about the outcome. Which means that my focus, rather than being about learning, experimentation and having fun is rather on how the girl receives me.
So to that extent, I should get unnervous.
It really doesn’t matter and moving sets/stationary sets are exactly the same in the grand scheme of things in terms of what you’re trying to do: Which is putting your best foot and best game forward.
… But if I’m trying to get a result, then yeah, I’m going to be nervous; especially if I don’t know how to handle moving sets. For example, I haven’t practiced them, I haven’t worked on it, that lack of familiarity can also lead to nervousness.
So it’s not weird that I’m nervous about moving sets, however, it doesn’t make sense from a philosophical level because I shouldn’t be judging my outcomes that way (ie. fear of rejection, lack of familiarity, etc).
Don’t judge yourself by the outcome of a particular set. Judge yourself by the likely range of outcomes. For example, if I get a decent outcome in a really tough set, be proud of myself. But if I get a really good outcome in a really, really easy set be fine with that but it’s not that big of an accomplishment.
You shouldn’t be nervous about game in general, because it’s an endeavor with all upside and no downside. That’s the beauty of game. It’s like if someone gave you free lottery tickets. Each individual lottery ticket isn’t worth much, but if you’re getting it for free and there’s a chance of winning big of them – or even winning a little on them – then I’d be dumb not to take them, right? So it’s a no-brainer to take them. The same thing applies to game.
Every approach is like a free lottery ticket. All kinds of great things can happen and all kinds of sorta okay positive things can happen. Nothing really negative can happen.
- Question: With the Coronavirus Lockdown in full swing should I do either day or night game, I’m worried if I don’t go out my game will regress. You know the old expression, “If you don’t use it, you lose it”.
Answer: This isn’t a permanent thing. This may last a few weeks, a few months, or even a year. Even if it does last a year, it won’t last a year how it is now. There’s no way that the entire world is going to stay in their houses for a year. My guess is that a lot of game will be moving toward online game.
Other than that, missing a week or two of game isn’t going to kill it.
In the meantime, take this lockdown as an opportunity to review my (Todd) online material. Get up on your theory.
Addendum for myself: When Todd says to “review my theory”, I need to get cracking on “Evaluation” from the System in replacement for going out. Practice this every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
- Question: When I’m out infield, there are days where my sets go “so-so” or bad and I leave the venue for the rest of the day to recharge for going out tomorrow. Is there a way to “reset the day” so I feel like I’m approaching anew?
Answer: Yes, absolutely. I just have to decide. Just say I’m going to go for a quick hour session, then go have a bite to eat, then go back infield. Relax, refresh, maybe like revisit any notes I had. Watch a video, chill out. Then literally just start fresh again.
For example, in poker, you have your ups and your downs. You want to have an accurate idea if you’re winning money or not, cause if you’re globally losing money you want to stop playing poker. And if you’re globally winning money you want to play a lot more. So you want a good idea of your overall results.
However, in poker there’s this thing where if you are losing called tilt. Where you start playing worse because you’re frustrated from losing or you start “trying to get back to even” or whatever. So one thing I would do – and it’s sort of like cheating, but like “good cheating” in a way – is restart the day, as if it’s the first time you’re ever going out. And hopefully, I start off with a winning session and feel like I’m winning again.
I can choose whatever sample size I need: It could be one set, it could be three sets or even ten sets. Try and look at the sample size of what’s going to be useful to you.
So if I’m having a bad day game session, look at it like I’m having a decent week. If I have three good days and one bad one, cumulatively look at my results and determine how I’m doing overall.
Alternatively, I could reset like “Alright, I’ve had a bad day, we’re going to throw that away, we’re going to discount that session, that was me being off. I’m going to go back in and try to win this session.”
Another thing I could do when I’m restarting a session is just change my focus entirely. Instead of having my focus on trying to get a result, change my focus on trying to learn.
So what I (Todd) would do if I was having a bad night, I’d be like “Oh, I’m having a bad night I’m probably not going to pull tonight, but I can work on a skill. So let me work on my push-pulls, evaluation, etc”. And that way it’s more of an analysis and research and kind of fun and messing around night as opposed to an outcome dependent night.
So instead of even resetting the session, just reset my objectives for the session.
What I (Todd) actually prefer is changing the nature of your focus, because it’s something you can control and something that’s not outcome dependent, but process dependent.
- Question: During day game after getting half a dozen or so rejections, this “aggression” comes over me. I generally land the next set by running this semi-aggressive, so-called “alpha male game”. Why is that?
Answer: It’s because you’re bringing a lot of intensity. When you’re bringing intensity to the table, you demand a response. They may respond to it positively or negatively, but you’re going to get a response.
When you’re feeling aggressive, you’re probably not half-stepping. You’re probably playing to win, you’re not hesitating, etcetera.
Todd has the same thing: When he has that intensity or aggression, he brings his full attention to the set. He brings his full focus and emotional energy to that next approach.
It’s very powerful. However, it should also serve as a learning lesson.
It means I need to bring more to the table. Trying to bring more intensity, bring more a playing to win and “fuck it, I don’t care” vibe.
Todd has it, a lot of guys have it. But to reiterate, it should serve as a lesson because it’s telling me what’s missing in all those other approaches where it doesn’t go as well – which is, that intensity and desire.
If I have intensity and desire in my approaches, they are going to go much, much, much better than they would otherwise.
- Question: I get more nervous meeting girls from my social circle than cold approach. Consequently, girls think I’m strange or weird. Why is that?
Answer: It’s probably because you’re acting strange or weird. It’s probably because you’re being hesitant. What Todd suggests is treating girls like normal. Treating girls like how I treat everyone else is a good step, then I can start flirting from there. If I’m not nervous around girls who are cute vs girls who are hot, treat the hot girls like the ones who are cute. Adjust yourself. Overall, treating girls as normal is the right thing to do. It’s a good baseline for everything else.
If I find that I’m acting weird around girls that I like, try and treat them exactly the same as I treat everyone else as a starter. And only add game that I know works.
It’s like the Hippocratic Oath of do no harm.
Just be a cool, normal person in all my interactions – and especially with girls I like – and then add little bits of game that are good. But at least I won’t be doing alot of weird behavior or negative, low-value behavior.
That should be a pretty good start for me.
To reiterate all of Todd’s points. First act normal, treat them exactly like guys I’m friends with -> Add in the flirting as spice as opposed to starting with the flirting.
- Question: Have you ever considered making a “Before you go infield” YouTube video to encourage beginners and intermediates PUAs to do their best?
Answer: Todd made a couple videos close to that. The best being “The Night Game Plan: How I Win Every Night”; however, Todd hasn’t made a specific video before you go out.
The thing about that though, anything that has to do with a “getting in state” thing or mentality thing, is that everyone does it differently.
The major thing about every approach that I do, is that it’s going to have me focusing not on monitoring how I’m feeling and not on checking in on myself all the time. Rather, I’m focused on something external – whether on what I’m about to do, focused in the moment, focused on an attitude or a mood or some form of external aggression or action that I’m taking in the real world.
Whatever it is, it’s focused externally.
If I’m focused internally I’ll keep thinking, “Oh am I feeling well? Am I okay? Am I feeling nervous? Am I in state?”
If I’m asking myself those questions, that’s an inherently bad thought loop.
The major criteria of every approach I take is to get my focus proactively out into the world, rather than reactive and internal.
So whatever I do to get that shift in focus is going to work for you.
- Question: When the Coronavirus Lockdown ends, alot of us cold approachers will have lost some of our skill. What do you suggest to bring us back to tip-top shape quickly and efficiently?
Answer: Todd suggests doing approaches, obviously. However, there’s also doing things outside of game so I feel better about myself. That I’m a version 2.0 of myself as opposed to a run-down, depleted version of myself when this whole lockdown ends. Because our external actions reflect our internal feelings about ourselves.
But mainly, whatever I did the first time around, do it again. So if I feel approach anxiety again, do an approach anxiety challenge. But don’t be arrogant about it. Don’t be like “Aw I’ve been gaming for five years, why do I have to do an approach anxiety challenge?” If you’ve been out of game for a month or two, why not?
Just give yourself permission to go back to the basics. Give yourself permission to work through it. But whatever skill you had in the past, you will get it back alot quicker than if you never had it.
Yeah, I’ll be a little rusty, but you’re not going to be fundamentally bad and I’ll get things alot quicker than a complete newbie.
So don’t think it’s wasted or don’t think my prior game skill will not contribute toward my future abilities.