Dope. Four big takeaways I see from this:
- You got meaningful experience pulling sets and leading: This is huge. Even if you didn’t fuck any of the girls, you still pulled. Should make it easier to bounce girls from a mall instadate to drinks at a nearby bar to your apartment, etc. It also exposed you to logistical difficulties you can face when you’re rolling solo but gaming sets. Usually in those situations, I’ll lean on the girl to try to get isolation so I’m not pulling extra people back to the house, “Tell your friends you like me,” “Tell your friends we’re gonna grab food,” “What’re you doing later? Can you ditch your friends?” Or the other option is to go with the group and hope there are somewhat workable logistics there. Also, you getting impatient with that one dude and losing the girl is a great reference–never go against the friends (and when you do, you better be a bad, shit test-proof, high value mothafucka lol. I used to inadvertantly pit myself against the friends a lot, just bull-in-the-china-shopping it and while I made it happen from time to time it made things way, way, way harder than they need to be vs. just being chill and befriending the friends and being patient).
- You got meaningful experience with mixed sets: Most guys won’t open mixed sets. Most guys definitely won’t open mixed sets during night game when they’re out solo. That’s dope. Plus, you even got guys winging you. Textbook. You have a good social vibe by default, but working groups will help you get out of ‘hunter mode’ and more in ‘give value, have fun’ mode, which should improved your vibe overall. Plus, you’ll get to calibrate to a lot of different personality types more quickly working groups vs solo girls, which will improve your overall calibration much more quickly (and is super applicable to career success, where you have to get groups on your side to be anything more than a workhorse or a pawn). I’d continue to work nights at least once or twice a week just to round out your skillset.
- You learned to chill out a little: You know how you have the assumption that just being American in Colombia gives you a ton of value? If you can assume that same amount of value here in the States, girls will respond the same way. Ya, you’ll still have to be more gamey, especially at night, but one of your sticking points here for a while was trying to keep gaming when the girls already saw you as high value. Once you fully believe in your own value and fully internalize it and act out from that, girls will fall into that frame and eventually you’ll have to drop a lot of the high value stuff for a lot of sets.
- You (hopefully) learned not to game under the influence: Broooo lol. Your two big L’s in Colombia were both trying to game under the influence. It seems like an easy way out, but it’s such a disadvantage. Think about it: If you’re going out solo, you want to be the most sober dude in the room. Stuff can and does pop off. I’ve seen dudes get curb stomped, almost thrown off balconies, I’ve had good friend who got shot and killed over bar drama, I’ve watched really high value dudes totally throw their life away over coke. The stakes are real, man. What makes this even more risky is that game helps you shed your inhibitions and boosts your confidence. So do drugs and alcohol. If you put both of those together, it’s damn near impossible to calibrate and you will end up on the wrong end of things. Keep your eye on the prize. Get the reference of fucking girls when you’re stone cold sober and having girls fuck you when they’re also stone cold sober. I flat out won’t fuck a drunk girl–and I’m damn sure not gonna try to get them drunk on my dime (whole other can of worms that one can open up, especially if you’re not pro yet at holding frame and managing buyer’s remorse). Plus, that lifestyle just isn’t sustainable as you get older (one hangover and I’m off for days).
- Don’t judge a book by its cover: Good game is all fundamentally the same, but it has a million different presentations. With the Argentinian, you fucked yourself by looking at the surface level vs. paying attention to the subcommunications. This probably went way beyond just him being able to speak Spanish. Two ways I can tell tell a guy is most likely good with women is 1.) His voice and 2.) His eyes. I’ve met some very, very unassuming naturals, guys who, by looking at them (even in set), you would never suspect are total pimps. Really good game can be almost indistinguishable from regular convo unless you really know what to look for; it can even look pretty boring a lot of the time. Eventually this is something that you’ll be able to work to your advantage since you won’t be setting off as many of the socially-conditioned alarms in mixed sets vs. a 6’5 jacked dude or some Calvin Klein model-looking guy, especially once you get to a point where you can subcomm a lot of your value.
- Don’t make women your goal: Flags are for poles lol. But it goes beyond that–as soon as you make a woman the goal, you’re already gaming at a massive disadvantage. Your ego starts needing her to preserve or actualize an idealized image of yourself. You put too much pressure on yourself. You put too much pressure on the girl (she wants to aspire to you and see you as the prize). You fuck with your outcome independence. You artificially limit your abundance. The flags’ll come on their own and then eventually you’ll be like, fuck it, I can’t even remember anymore (Roosh never got to the that point, since his game was trash and he never internalized abundance and constantly saw himself as ‘ sneaking in and getting away with the sex’–take inspiration where you can, he had a lot of good ideas and was a talented writer, but he should be a bit of a cautionary tale for anyone getting in the game. Plus, you’re not the underdog. You’re not tricking these girls. You should be working to embody being a high value man.). Same principle goes for “types” of girls (think the ethnic dudes who pedestalize white girls and then bitch about how they can never fuck them), girls of a certain hotness rating (i.e., the guys who can fuck any girl beside their “perfect ten” or can’t approach legit hotties), girls of a certain “virtue” (the dudes who Madonna-Whore it up and then never get the “good” girl since he never games her proper or thinks she doesn’t want sex or ends up with an undercover slut who never shares her secrets since she can tell he’s judgmental), or doing certain numbers (like how I could never pull 3 new girls in a week when it was a goal for me vs. when I stopped caring about it). None of these things can be your goal. Just making them a goal will sabotage things for you. It sounds cheesy, but you gotta make yourself your goal and focus on your actions (fully within your control) instead of the outcomes (not fully within your control) and to base your self-worth on that. Better goals would be things like: Have as much fun as possible. Open any girls I like. Open difficult sets. Stay in set until someone tells me to fuck off. Try to pull girls out the venue. See how far I can lead girls on the street. Always escalate. Focus on maintaining my own state and staying upbeat even when girls flake. Etc., etc. Your results will be way, way better focusing on those things instead of looking at the girl as the prize. Just food for thought.
But overall, tons of value here. Take the time to milk it for all it’s worth and really internalize those references.