A victim mentality is one of the hardest things to snap out of when changing who you are – or making a shift.
What happens is everyone is born happy, filled with hopes and dreams; but what happens over the years, things didn’t go exactly as I planned. Like, shit this opportunity is lost forever. Sound familiar, Adam? Remember the orgy I missed in Denver? Thankfully, unlike most guys, I didn’t give up.
Most guys try to escape reality; they try to get through their days -> go to work -> and they try to numb themselves at work.
People find other distractions to escape reality. They’re everywhere: TV shows, video games, drinking, all that shit just to forget reality – and consequently, to reinforces their victim mentality.
Important: With all these movies, social media, and video games, I don’t have to socialize anymore. I can just have internet friends. Just kidding. Fuck that. People today are very isolated. They don’t have friends – they don’t need friends – because the people in the video games are their virtual friends.
Even with people who agree they have a victim mentality, they may say, “Yeah, it sucks,” they don’t do anything about it. Making a change takes effort, they say: “There’s too much re-wiring to do,” “I’ve been a victim for too long,” etc. Taking right action, slowly snapping yourself out of it, and moving in a different direction just feels like death in comparison.
You’re never too old to make a fresh start.
The first thing to realize is that I’m not the center of the universe. Stop taking everything so personally. Lots of people – including myself – think there’s a “master plan” in my life. And that everything that happens is in relation to them, or me.
There is no master plan.
Things just happen, both good and bad.
The second thing to realize is that I’m not a unique snowflake. There’s a saying Julian quotes, “The more personal the wound, the more universal the wound.” Everyone has gone through the same shit you have.
Embrace being part of the larger whole. You’re not in this alone. Feel a sense of unity with guys who’ve been through the same shit you have – but better yet, decided to make a change.
I do this already with guys serious about learning game or who mastered it. It’s like two warriors, beaten and bloody, meeting on the battlefield. There’s a deep sense of respect for those guys.
Important: Be aware of guys who are going through the same bullshit that I am. However, never compare myself to them. This is a BIG internal problem I’ve been dealing with since the start of my pickup journey. Julian hilariously calls this issue “menvy,” or male-on-male envy.
For example, let’s say I see a guy who had a solid upbringing, positive reference experiences and girls love him. And guys who DON’T have that are like, “Man, why do I have to do all this work? I let go of victim mentality, I go out and get reference experiences talking to beautiful women- why do I have to do that when he doesn’t?”
Fuck that. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Be aware they’re going through shit as well. Otherwise, keep your head down and focus on #1 – you.
It’s a competition of one. A competition against you.
God I need to hear this. I’m glad my menvy is going away, but it still flairs up like a disease from time to time, particularly on guys who didn’t put in as much man hours working game as I have.
Take the constraints I have in life as a given.
Important: It’s pointless to let any negative thoughts enter my mind.
If you start off with shit opportunities, use that as leverage. If you have nothing, use that as extra motivation to step it up. There’s a saying, “The enemy of the best is the good.” If someone has it easier with girls than me, he won’t have that same fire under his ass to be motivated to make a change.
Important: Instead of wishing you were the successful guy, wish you were the best version of you.
Another way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to get out of my little world of self-pity. Stop making this about me; get a bigger purpose in life and a bigger circle of concern. Submit to a higher cause: God, volunteer work, etc.
It’s purpose over self.
No one is here to help you. You’re born alone. You die alone. Stop looking for pity from your friends, family, anyone. It’s not going to come – it’s not going to help.
Stop looking for someone else to comfort or cuddle you if you’re sad.
You have to fix yourself.
Important: If you have a victim thought, stop resisting it. Go with the flow. Embrace it -> Exaggerate it ->and then Laugh at it. Loosen up and don’t take it so seriously. Don’t identify with it.
You have all eternity to be dead.
You are alive for a very short period of time – so why not put in the effort?
Even if it takes years, what else are you going to do?