Even if you believe everything in the prior lessons taught in Shift, there’s probably this little voice in your head saying, “Man, I have to socialize with all these people. I have to be outgoing and putting myself out there. And just- you know, bringing good vibes puts alot of energy on the table. That’s really just not me. I’m more of a chill, introverted guy who likes to relax at home. It would be incongruent to just become this person who I am not.”
This happens to guys who are IN the process of working on themselves.
“I’m looking for a type of game that’s more chill, that’s more in alignment with who I am.”
While this currently isn’t me, I felt like this for a long time with Todd. I was a devoted “Toddite” in the sense all other PUAs were considered useless except what Todd taught me.
In the end, Julian states this is all about change.
I have to change who I am.
I have to make a Shift.
I have to let go of my current identity.
Not just the victim mindset, the superiority mindset, everything. My current perception of who I am right now and where I stand. I have to give that up completely.
Important: Let me ask you this, Adam: What makes you who you are today? Who says, you are hyperactive, you are the unfocused guy, you’re negative. Who says that? Fucking no one. This is just me. It’s a bullshit story I told myself probably years ago that I bought into. It’s based on the references I’ve been getting until now.
Who are you? You’re just a product of the different environments that you’ve been put in up until now. For example, if you take someone and put them in a harsh upbringing, where they don’t have much success with women, or people pressure you to fit in and don’t speak up – you’re going to be a guy who doesn’t speak up, you’re going to be a guy who is very introverted.
If you’re put in an environment where everyone is clapping at everything you do or say, they’re giving you all this positive feedback, that same person is going to be very different years later.
Those two examples above define who you REALLY are.
What Julian states is that I’ve been a leaf blowing in the wind my whole life. Now, I’m in control. I am not a victim of my mind or environment.
I can control the actions that I take, where I go, the environments I put myself in, that shape and reinforce the beliefs I want to have.
This is how you change who you are.
Important: An important thing to do is to stop identifying myself as someone who can be categorized. I’m not the “chill guy” or the “quiet guy” – or when it comes to work, the “new guy”. Don’t limit myself that way. Take on the flexible and adaptable identity that evolves with time.
Be like water.
I’m continuously changing – I can be whatever the fuck I want to be – until the day that I die.
Like what Alina said, “be the social chameleon”. When I’m at a club, I’m the fun, outgoing guy. If I’m day gaming, I can be whatever social calibration demands of me.
Important: Whenever I start taking on a new identity and acting through that new identity that I’m currently not, never expect your emotions to align with that. My emotions are associated to and attached to my current identity and they’re meant to hold you in place. As human beings, we’re creatures of habit, and we hate things like change, discomfort, unpredictability, and the unknown basically.
Everything I do that involves elevating my status – or steps out of the constraints of my current identity – is going to be blocked off.
My subconscious will block it off and come up with every excuse not to do it.
My emotions are going to tell me, “no, no, no” and my mind is going to tell me, “no, no, no”.
This is a common occurrence in night game. Whenever I hit up a venue, my brain is like, “The music is shit,” “I hate the vibe here,” etc
Every. Single. Time.
It is time to shed that identity and become a social chameleon during night game.
Another example: “My legs are getting tired, let’s go home,” or “We have to find parking when we get back. What if we get shit parking?”
This happens during my day game sessions.
Fuck that noise.
If I get shit parking, so be it. Finding good parking means nothing in the face of bettering myself as a man.
Remember: Changing myself as a man requires a fuckton of mental energy; especially transitioning from outer game to inner game.
With the amount of change I’ll be going through, I have to give up a tremendous amount of comfort.
Never expect to get your comfort back.
I will always be changing–evolving as a person.
Important: Be disgusted by comfort.
Discomfort is necessary for growth.
Look for those situations that go, “Oooh shiiittt!” (ie. night game or opening groups) because they make me grow as a person.
In order to change, I have to let go of everything I depend on.
Important: Get addicted to discomfort instead.
What does that mean in this moment? Right now, stay in set despite how fucking awkward it may seem. Clear your mind and stay focused on the present. Don’t watch porn. Put yourself in a “give, give, give” frame of mind. Force myself to have fun. Do night game.
With discomfort, I have to take right action.
What is taking right action? “Taking right action” is doing what is required to be done no matter what my emotions are telling me .
Imagine- someone has a gun to my head and he said, “What’s the right thing to do right now?” I’m always going to know.
Important: It’s not what I THINK is the right thing to do. Because my mind will play tricks on me. It’s what I know deep down inside. Within my gut I always know what the right thing to do is.
Instead of doing what makes you happy – do what’s right.
Live by taking right action.
Julian says to live in, “Aspiration over addiction”.
Lots of people live by how they feel in the short term. They don’t have any control of their emotions or the direction they’re going in. They just want to feel comfortable. They just want to feel good. I have to step away from that short-term thinking, start thinking long-term, and ask myself, “Does this help me in the long term – yes or no?”
If the answer is yes, even if it’s not comfortable right this very moment, I have to do it anyway.
It’s going to be tough–it’s going to feel like death–but I have to do it.
Have a purpose and don’t fall into the trap of taking the easy way out.
Important: You’re always moving in a certain direction. There’s no stagnation. Let’s say, for example, there’s a girl and I’m in set but she’s not hooked and starts moving away. I have two choices: A.) I can leave the set B.) Try opening again. One will move me closer to my overall goal in life, the other farther away. Which will you choose, Adam?
You’re either going up or you’re going down.
Important: If you’re not busy learning, you’re busy dying.
Don’t resist fear, getting in your head, etc since it makes the situation worse. Getting all frustrated, all pent up, it’s not going to give you more options.
But remember: “Taking right action” is a muscle that you build. It takes time. It takes effort. Every game concept – whether inner or outer game – takes time to engrain into my personality.
The more I start basking in the unknown and being uncomfortable, the more I’m going to build my tolerance. This is how you cultivate willpower.