New Excuse Why I’m at College Campuses In Chicago

Improved Infiltration.

Chicago college girls definitely aren’t like their sisters up north in Milwaukee. They’re alert, on point, and able to sniff out an intruder pretty quickly. This calls for improvised tactics.

When it comes to asking why I’m at the campus, I have a pre-canned excuse. Namely: “So, what are you going for?” In which I respond, “I’m not a student here, but my buddy is. I’m waiting to pick him up.” To really seal the deal and to make your cover story believable just say, “Ever met someone who says they’re going to be here in 5 minutes and next thing you know, you’ve waited an hour. That’s him.”

In Milwaukee, my excuse worked like a charm. No girl ever pressed the issue any further.

In Chicago, I swear an exclamation point pops above their head and the PUA alarm goes off – and the set is gone moments later.

After meeting with SundaySermon at Friar Tuck, he offered me a viable alternative: Say you’re at the campus for continuing and professional studies.

What does that mean?

It’s a continuing education program offered for adults who already have a career. For example, I’m a self-taught software engineer without any formal degree. My company wants me to at least possess a Software Engineering certificate (which Loyola has btw). I can simply state I’m at [insert college here] for continuing education in IT.

This will allow me to bypass a girl’s PUA alarms and access campus facilities without alerting security – like Solid fuckin’ Snake.

IMPORTANT: Let’s do a little roleplay…

“So, what are you going for?” In which I respond, “Me? I’m here for a certificate.” To really seal the deal and make my cover story believable just say, “I already work as a Software Engineer, but my job really wants me to get a certificate. Turns out, Loyola [or some other college] has a Computer Science certificate program.”

IMPORTANT: Since each university is unique, let’s compare different certificate programs I can roll off of as an excuse.


Loyola University: Computer Science certificate

DePaul University: DevOps certificate (add dumb comment that it sounds like a badass hacker team or something)

Northwestern University: Web Development certificate

Let’s get back to the mission, soldier.

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